What’s the deal?

I was chatting with my friend Dan, and while in a conversation, he asked, “maybe everything is a big deal for you?”

Which made me pause for a while, because of course, it made me think about why he’d say that. And then given how I’ve been lately, I decided it wasn’t a surprise he asked that. 

Because we were talking about going on trips with friends, I told him that IS a big deal for me, because I’ve gone on trips while I was in Singapore, and those were trips made with almost-strangers or people I wasn’t particularly close with. And I had so much FUCKING FUN (most of the time). Naturally, I wanted to do that with my friends here too, because we’ve been friends longer (thus, “closer” or “more special”), because if backpacking with strangers was fun, vacation with long-time friends would be FANTASTIC. So yeah, that for me IS a big deal. 

And then I explained that what a “big” deal is for me, probably isn’t the same as other people’s, because uh, I don’t feel like I see things the way most people do anymore. I mean, if me and Other People saw eye-to-eye, I wouldn’t have been misunderstood by other people so much.

SO. It made me think, what else is a big deal for me? (in no particular order)

  1. Time – A very, very big deal for me. Because when I do things for people or with people, I see it as really saving time for them or spending time with them and time is precious for me. And with that comes —
  2. Plans – I mean this as a we’ve-scheduled-to-do-something kind of plan (other times I can be plan-less and I’m gonna be okay). Basically, if someone says we’re doing something, I remember and then I insert it in my mental planner, and I live life believing it will happen. Unless of course, said person gets sick. That’s ok. Or maybe an emergency, like a real one. But other than that, I’m the type of person who makes a big deal out of plans. If we’ve planned something, we better do it. I hate spending days expecting something and then BOOM. Because, I see it as: I’ve set aside my day (or — insert time here) for you, and it doesn’t feel good when I’ve set my heart on doing so-and-so with you then suddenly, it just doesn’t happen.
  3. Friendship – I just have certain expectations from friendships, so some of my issues stem from expectations not being met, and then it  becomes a big deal for me. Haha. But I’m learning to compromise.
  4. Affection – Basically, the worst that can happen to me is to be teleported in a world where I’m forbidden to hug and kiss anyone. This goes for guys and girls, and in all levels and categories of affection (platonic, romantic, etc.). You don’t want to know what will happen to me in that kind of world. I live and breathe touch, and that’s something I can’t compromise with the World.
  5. Thank you’s – I don’t do things for other people to get something in return (except probably to hopefully feel loved back) but it makes a world of difference to me when people say “thank you.” Top it with a hug and I’ll be your slave forever. Ha! And then it becomes a big deal when I don’t hear these two words, and for me it matters, so I end up feeling used. Complicated is complicated. 

I’ll stop there for now. I could get more specific, but that’s going to show you how difficult a person I am. 

But there are also things that don’t matter so much to me: 

  1. Money – I don’t like money issues. So they’re usually not a very big deal for me, unless it means measuring my worth in bills. :P Haha. I could sell you something, but I’d probably just give it to you for free, because I don’t find getting money as important as, say, friends or relationships. 
  2. Friend-fights – it’s easy for me to forgive if the other person apologizes. When that happens, then it doesn’t matter what we were fighting over, at least in most cases. I CAN make bygones be bygones, if the other party is willing to as well. 
  3. Making time for friends – I could be dying from requirements but I will stay up hours with a friend if my friend needs me there. Even if it’s just talking about random things because he/she needs company. Even if it means I’d get stressed out to death afterward. If you need me to be there, for me it’s no big deal. I will be.
  4. Things said out of frankness – it doesn’t matter if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, as long as the other person is being honest to my face, not behind my back. It’s always better to be honest up-front. 

I can’t think of more anymore. Other lists next time. Actually, it’s easier to make a list of things I probably would make a big deal out of, than a list of things I don’t make a big deal of. :P