:'( and then this completely broke my heart

“If I die, will that work? If I die, will I be able to get out of this? If I die…whatever I sell, whomever I love, will be spared and be comforted? Then, they won’t be attacked, and won’t be badmouthed? This way, everything I did that became part of my bad image, can I escape from it? Wasn’t I being good all along? If I die, what else would I need to protect?”
— Gu Ae Jeong

I felt so sad watching this part. I don’t relate completely, and I’m far from being noble as Ae Jeong was in the drama…but I have asked these same questions and felt the familiar desperation of wanting to get away from everything. “If I die, will that work? If I die, will I be able to get out of this?” because I didn’t want to hear anything from anyone anymore. I wondered if I disappeared, would they stop finding things to say, twisting words, and believing lies? I wondered if, “this way, everything I did that became part of my bad image, can I escape from it? Wasn’t I being good all along?” because everything I did was misinterpreted and it was a time when everything I did was judged. I just hated it so much. I regretted doing so many things so much, of meeting those people so much, and I just wanted to bury everything and myself to be forgot. 

Sometimes, watching The Greatest Love / The Best Love is helping me face the feelings I had from that time — things that pulled me into an even worse depression. In a different way, it makes me long for things that never happened and people that never existed. Mi-Na, as selfish as she was, was lucky she had a friend like Ae Jeong by her side. Ten years later, I’m glad Ae Jeong found Dok Go Jin who, in his way, tried to protect her. I can’t ever forget the part where he sacrificed his image for her. Sometimes a girl just wants a knight in shining armor. 

Saddest scene in The Greatest Love, ep13

“What have I done wrong that I must self-reflect? What have I done wrong that the whole country hates me? Did I do something so disgusting? I only did my work diligently, smiling when I’m sad, and smile a little more when I’m happy. I’ve been living this way. Is living like this a crime? What exactly have I done wrong?”

Gu Ae-Jeong breaks my heart. </3 :( 

Deep inside, I wish other people would fight my battles. It’s too hard alone.

I don’t want pacifism. I don’t want to be forgiving. I don’t want to be mature. I don’t want to be the only person who has sense. I want someone like Dokko Jin to sacrifice his image and reputation to beat up my demons and fight them for me when I’m being treated unfairly. 

I was watching this last night and I couldn’t stop crying. I cried myself to sleep. I cried in the morning. I’ve been trying to ignore everything and everyone. But it really hurts. It really, really hurts. I just want someone to save me like he saved her.