Category: Ponder

  • Cursed


    Two relationships and I’m cursed with a bad fate of hating one of my partner’s closest friends. Being treated in a similar manner (and then some) like I was treated over ten years ago unfortunately is still unforgivable in my book. There’s some overlap in what they both did: being spurned, shrugged off, ignored, and […]

  • Yes


    “Will you marry me?” The first time I was asked this question, I thought, ‘How do other people know?’ How do they know they want to spend the rest of their life with one other person? How do they know that out of a billion other people in the world, their partner is “the one?” […]

  • I’m old

    I’m old

    Tiredness these days: Lasts longer Creeps faster Is a weariness that drips into my bones And sleeping in on a weekend isn’t enough for a cure That’s how I know I’m in my 30’s.

  • How we broke up

    How we broke up

    I never actually wrote about how any of my romantic relationships ended, mostly due to the near-decade of trying to get over the friendships that did. Friendship-over’s were more traumatic, and romantic endings were less so (for me they never were). This is three years overdue. I feel like it’s a conversation I’ve never had […]

  • First win for 2021

    First win for 2021

    I’ve been feeling quite down the past few weeks because I’m dancing two steps forward and one step back with eczema. It would seem like my skin is healing…and then it isn’t. I’ve grown very desperate, and so far I’ve tried: Raw honey / manuka honey on my skin Tea tree oil Vitamin D supplements […]

  • A New Normal

    A New Normal

    I don’t think there’s any going back to what the world was before COVID. 2020 has forced people to move, forced some to stay, forced people to make decisions and hurled others into unexpected problems or setbacks. It forced people to adapt and change, or risk being left behind. More than a week into 2021, […]

  • After the rain, earth hardens

    After the rain, earth hardens

    There’s a number of things that I feel I should write down. The last two weeks felt like tall waves crashing onto the shore — natural, even expected, forceful and a little strong. I’ve left my first job in Melbourne to start another journey of self-worth. I’ve ended a relationship of 8 years. I’m relearning […]

  • A hundred million sighs from the sky

    I can think and I can think and I still wouldn’t know what to do. I’m not doing a very splendid job of ignoring my problems.

  • Moments of impulse

    Fuck, I can’t remember some bits from last night. That’s my wake-up thought this morning after getting home from a night of drinking. Well, shit. I should scold myself more for my lapses of judgment. I mean, I’m not a college student anymore seeking short-lived highs and thrills. It’s like I’m asking for it because […]