Category: Ponder

  • 24 in 2024

    24 in 2024

    There’s a prompt on Instagram called “24 in 2024” where people post a photo from when they were twenty-four, which prompted me to go through photos from a decade ago. Much of it had been lost in old phones never backed up but I managed to find a few. Prescriptions 24: taking meds to manage…

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  • Ode to past endings

    Ode to past endings

    In the past I’ve sometimes done a summary of the year that was: 2023: this is my chance to revive this old tradition of reflecting about the past year. This has been at the back of my mind since our holiday trip a few weeks ago, but I’ve been enjoying doing nothing. Technically, too busy…

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  • Home is where the house is

    Home is where the house is

    Every dream has an inspiration, and mine was simply ambition and anger: a fiery desire to stay anywhere but the Philippines and an overwhelming sense of loss and frustration over what the Philippines had become. This was fueled by an inter-generational thread of betrayal by the home country. One of things my mum had said…

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  • Cursed


    Two relationships and I’m cursed with a bad fate of hating one of my partner’s closest friends. Being treated in a similar manner (and then some) like I was treated over ten years ago unfortunately is still unforgivable in my book. There’s some overlap in what they both did: being spurned, shrugged off, ignored, and…

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  • Yes


    “Will you marry me?” The first time I was asked this question, I thought, ‘How do other people know?’ How do they know they want to spend the rest of their life with one other person? How do they know that out of a billion other people in the world, their partner is “the one?”…

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  • I’m old

    I’m old

    Tiredness these days: Lasts longer Creeps faster Is a weariness that drips into my bones And sleeping in on a weekend isn’t enough for a cure That’s how I know I’m in my 30’s.

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  • How we broke up

    How we broke up

    I never actually wrote about how any of my romantic relationships ended, mostly due to the near-decade of trying to get over the friendships that did. Friendship-over’s were more traumatic and romantic endings were less so. Our end happened gradually over time and was more predictable than the immeasurable hurt I’ve ever felt from ex-friends.…

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  • First win for 2021

    First win for 2021

    I’ve been feeling quite down the past few weeks because I’m dancing two steps forward and one step back with eczema. It would seem like my skin is healing…and then it isn’t. I’ve grown very desperate, and so far I’ve tried: Raw honey / manuka honey on my skin Tea tree oil Vitamin D supplements…

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  • A New Normal

    A New Normal

    I don’t think there’s any going back to what the world was before COVID. 2020 has forced people to move, forced some to stay, forced people to make decisions and hurled others into unexpected problems or setbacks. It forced people to adapt and change, or risk being left behind. More than a week into 2021,…

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