Category: Ponder

  • A scattering of motivations

    I think I’ve holed myself up in a corner of disappointment and self-loathing over my writing. I’ve been staring at writing prompts and whenever I do, my brain freezes into a black hole of blankness. I imagine characters with no plots, and I’ve been writing short, bland pieces that’s never interesting enough to comment on. […]

  • to desire everything and nothing at once and to desire it all the time

    I pulled those lines from the poem Want, by Carrie Fountain. To desire everything and nothing at once I’ve managed to work an extra 36 hours in the past two weeks. My spirit is tired. Waking up at seven, leaving the office at five, then back in front of my monitor in my room-turned-office at […]

  • Two weeks in

    Every 15th of the month is pay date. I look forward to a few things. Tomorrow is one of those. I’ve managed to accomplish so much design work on the first week after holiday season that I’ve filled the team’s backlog for two or three months. I’ve picked up pace on my writing. So much […]

  • Writing (again), LJ, and (now) DW

    Glossary: 1. LJ – LiveJournal (n.) A popular online community before Tumblr, before Facebook, before Instagram. Or maybe, it was popular only to a some niche groups (namely, individuals who were a fan of something). At sixteen, this was the place to be (online) — the place to make friends, the place to download music, […]

  • To meet is the beginning of parting

    To meet is the beginning of parting

    [逢うは別れの始め] To meet is the beginning of parting. The first time I read this, it felt like the perfect title of a story. It clues me in — prepares me for a bittersweet reality — and somehow I feel the words are beautiful as it does so. I know we will part, and I’m not […]

  • 29 in 2019

    29 in 2019

    One thing remained consistent from the moment I turned 20 until I crossed 29: I never felt truly adult. I am an adult now by virtue of age, but there’s so much I haven’t done that in many ways I feel like I’m still not old enough. I’m quite convinced that it’s either the height […]

  • And the next, and the next

    And the next, and the next

    It’s been seven years since the last Game of Thrones novel was published. That’s as long as my career. While I was traversing through startups, clients, and countries, George R. R. Martin has been trying to write what happened after a certain someone was stabbed and fell onto the cold. That’s how far behind the […]

  • The more there is to miss

    The more there is to miss

    Nostalgia is a sickness that hits harder as I’ve grown older. Music is the worst offender. A few seconds in, the first few notes of music is all I need to trigger even the smallest wave of nostalgia all over. Today it was Utada Hikaru’s First Love while having tempura maki over dinner. It’s one […]

  • The second love story

    The second love story

    The closer it is to December, the greater my fears are. Like I’ve done so little, and I want to be so much, and aging is a curse happening every second. Maybe it’s just because I don’t feel fresh, or I’m full of self-doubt, or I link my self-worth to many external things, or all […]