Category: Ponder
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How we broke up
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in PonderI never actually wrote about how any of my romantic relationships ended, mostly due to the near-decade of trying to get over the friendships that did. Friendship-over’s were more traumatic and romantic endings were less so. Our end happened gradually over time and was more predictable than the immeasurable hurt I’ve ever felt from ex-friends.
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First win for 2021
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in PonderI’ve been feeling quite down the past few weeks because I’m dancing two steps forward and one step back with eczema. It would seem like my skin is healing…and then it isn’t. I’ve grown very desperate, and so far I’ve tried: Raw honey / manuka honey on my skin Tea tree oil Vitamin D supplements
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A New Normal
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in PonderI don’t think there’s any going back to what the world was before COVID. 2020 has forced people to move, forced some to stay, forced people to make decisions and hurled others into unexpected problems or setbacks. It forced people to adapt and change, or risk being left behind. More than a week into 2021,
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After the rain, earth hardens
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in PonderThere’s a number of things that I feel I should write down. The last two weeks felt like tall waves crashing onto the shore — natural, even expected, forceful and a little strong. I’ve left my first job in Melbourne to start another journey of self-worth. I’ve ended a relationship of 8 years. I’m relearning
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A hundred million sighs from the sky
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in PonderI can think and I can think and I still wouldn’t know what to do. I’m not doing a very splendid job of ignoring my problems.
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Moments of impulse
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in PonderFuck, I can’t remember some bits from last night. That’s my wake-up thought this morning after getting home from a night of drinking. Well, shit. I should scold myself more for my lapses of judgment. I mean, I’m not a college student anymore seeking short-lived highs and thrills. It’s like I’m asking for it because
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A scattering of motivations
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in PonderI think I’ve holed myself up in a corner of disappointment and self-loathing over my writing. I’ve been staring at writing prompts and whenever I do, my brain freezes into a black hole of blankness. I imagine characters with no plots, and I’ve been writing short, bland pieces that’s never interesting enough to comment on.
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to desire everything and nothing at once and to desire it all the time
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in PonderI pulled those lines from the poem Want, by Carrie Fountain. To desire everything and nothing at once I’ve managed to work an extra 36 hours in the past two weeks. My spirit is tired. Waking up at seven, leaving the office at five, then back in front of my monitor in my room-turned-office at
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Two weeks in
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in PonderEvery 15th of the month is pay date. I look forward to a few things. Tomorrow is one of those. I’ve managed to accomplish so much design work on the first week after holiday season that I’ve filled the team’s backlog for two or three months. I’ve picked up pace on my writing. So much