Category: Ponder
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Let’s start from the very beginning
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in PonderI question everything I did, everything I was, everyone I knew. The past is too heartbreaking and I have nothing to be proud of anymore. Maybe I’m waiting to be whisked away by a job, classes, or learning. A tornado, a hurricane, a storm can take me to Oz and I’m not even sure I
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The blank stare
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in PonderTonight I dropped by C’s house with Gail to look for something. The first person I saw was Jopy. I no longer froze, nor felt my heart race in panic, and neither did I feel like a hunted rabbit. I just stared at him, then past him, before I realized I wasn’t at the brink
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It was never about deserving
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in PonderFor almost a year now I’ve struggled with the idea of being deserving of some things. Deserving goodness, deserving happiness, deserving love. Being blamed and getting called names by people whom I used to think of as, at the very least, “old friends” was the worst and most painful (and freshest) memory I have of college.
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Being misunderstood hurts too
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in PonderI’ve been watching this Korean drama, The Greatest Love/The Best Love. It’s about a celebrity, Ae Jung, who, ten years after her debut, has had a string of scandals and a lot of bad kind of talk that ruined her reputation. She does her best to stay in the industry and is actually a good
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in PonderCamille, I had met you for few occassions only, but you had left a good impression to me. How much more ur old friends who have spent more time with u. You deserve kindness. This makes me feel really sad.
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Some things I can stop running away from already
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in PonderDear You, Thank you for being concerned and being nice and kind when I don’t deserve it. You have a reason to get angry at me. You don’t have a reason to be nice at all. I’ve been running away from everything, but it’s time to take responsibility again. Especially for things that involve other
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The broken other
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in PonderI read posts at LJsecret because sometimes I read good advice there. That, and there are things that make me think because it’s somehow significant to me in my life right now. This reply is an example: I have that problem. I have some theories as to why, but my therapist had one, also. He
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Filtering
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in PonderSome days I go through my writing journal and I think to myself, “I can’t write like this anymore.” There was, at a point, when I was very young, I wanted to experience everything I read from books, saw in movies, heard from adults. I wanted things to happen to me because I knew the
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This is for You
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in PonderYou are going away, and what will I do without you? The role you’ve played in my life in the past year has grown bigger, in a way that I didn’t expect it to. You’ve been the person who held my hand and said, “Come with me, I want you there.” You’ve been the only