Rashes like mushrooms

Summary of me for the past few days:

camping out at SBC: I ended up just falling asleep while sitting down and working. wild.
camping out at SBC: I ended up just falling asleep while sitting down and working. wild.
an evening spent in the orgroom while waiting for 7pm-orals
an evening spent in the orgroom while waiting for 7pm-orals

What a way to end a crazy day. I feel so disappointed in myself. I don’t think I did very well in my Philo and Theo orals, and definitely was B-class during my thesis proposal presentation. I may have tried to dress up and all but in the end I really sucked. Strangely enough, I still feel optimistic about my thesis because even if I’m so scatterbrained about it now, I know, I just know, I’m enjoying this and I can deliver. Maybe I’ll redo my presentation sometime for the sake of it. More for a selfish reason, to feel better about myself and to prove to myself that I have the ability to do better.

Dinner with Marv, James, and Dan at Slice n’ Dice after, which was probably something all four of us needed. Dan’s sporting long hair and some facial hair which really fit him:

Dan with longer hair, and all dressed up!
Dan with longer hair, and all dressed up! He should keep his hair that way! Not too long, but not too short either.

I actually think if he started wearing 3-piece clothes, he can go for a JGL look, hahaha.

So, thesis presentation and orals down. I survived, though barely, and with regrets. But there’s a week and months to go. I shan’t despair! Friends are doing something more significant with their lives, and I feel inspired by them. Plus, note to self: go see a doctor. You need meds for your allergies.

August is exciting…work-wise?

I was looking forward to August but I didn’t expect it to be this unforgiving when it comes to work and other things. I mean, the way things are going, I’ll need to hibernate after two weeks to recuperate. Like today I forgot my phone a SECOND time in TWO weeks. I really have never forgotten it before. I blame it on flash because I wasted my weekend (20+ hours) over 20 seconds of animation for my project. Effort =/= output.

Doing art direction for the next two weeks so I need to build a city and a fantasy world. It sounds exciting (and I am excited!) but not so much when your head is falling off your head onto a hypothetical pillow — and it’s sheer will that’s keeping you functioning. And I thought PD was the most stressful production-job I’ve ever done.

It isn’t.

Bookmarking pegs here (btw, watch them anyway, because these are the best airlines ads I’ve seen thus far). See the backgrounds and sceneries for all of them? THAT’S MY JOB. HAHAHAHA.

I want to work on thesis temporarily-for-forever

I am surviving with half a brain. Or, half a working brain. The traffic last night (due to the rain) was terrible; I got home late and I slept at 3am, and I have a 9pm meeting later and I’m not understanding any of my lectures. In Javascript class earlier, I couldn’t understand what we needed to do and how to code the thing, and our prof said there was a loophole BUT I JUST DON’T GET IT.

Despite this, I want to be the one to code my thesis. My prof in Javascript class suggested I ask for a CompSci person or someone like that to code the whole PHP/mySQL/etc. database for me but I was too shy to tell him I wanted to do it myself because I wanted to learn! Curious bee! And one of the things that’s driving me to also learn how to develop it is because I’ve been reading this book entitled The Art of Interactive Design: A Euphonious and Illuminating Guide to Building Successful Software and Chris Crawford (the author) specifically mentioned programming ability as “one of the qualifications for an interactivity designer.” And right now, I’m just aiming for that. I’m going to take graduate studies on Interactive Design in Europe and have grand, exciting (and hopefully, including romantic) adventures while I’m at it.

Yes, this is how I’m coping with depression. =) At least I’m looking forward to so many things again, instead of getting held back by so many frustrations and unpleasant feelings and people.

"Language is like looking at a map of somewhere. Love is living there and surviving on the land." - Love Begins in Winter
"Language is like looking at a map of somewhere. Love is living there and surviving on the land." - Love Begins in Winter

AND BOOKS. I’ve finished the first story from Simon Van Booy’s Love Begins in Winter. I originally wanted to buy The Secret Lives of People In Love but I couldn’t find it, so I might try to look for it elsewhere some other day. It’s amazing that although I should be busy with a mountain of academic and freelance work, I manage to read short stories in between. This is better than a full-length novel because I wouldn’t be able to work otherwise.

I have so, so, so, so much work piled up. My CS Flash project, a bunch of freelance work, Bananalou’s thesis, MY THESIS (!!! waaah! presentation and video and paper!), PHILO AND THEO (which I don’t mind learning or reading about but orals right now = will contribute to paving the way to a near-death experience) — I’m determined to start saying NO to people from now on. :(

Bananalou’s thesis might be the last film I’m going to PD for this year, mainly because I really have not much time for production design because of everything I have to do/finish. As a general rule, I try to stay away from styling and costume design because it gives me more stress than I can handle. Although reading Jeffrey Kurland’s interview (costume designer for the movie Inception) proves how much respect and admiration this man, like other amazing costume designers (goes with any design team in production groups, I suppose), deserve.

Costume design reflects greatly on the movement of the plot, most significantly through character development. Character development is at the forefront of costume design. The characters move the story along and with the director and the actor the costume designer helps to set the film’s emotional tone in a visual way. In a more physical sense the costumes’ style and color help to keep the story on track, keeping a check on time and place.

Really, if that doesn’t make sense, I don’t know what else will. Now I want to watch Inception the second time just for the costumes (Ken Watanabe/Saito’s costume at that scene he first appears in is to die for) but I doubt it will still be out in theaters the moment I have time to watch a movie again.

Things are going to get crazy

With Photoshop developing Content-Aware Fill, any 2nd grader can edit their photos and no one will need a professional photographer or editor anymore.

Photography “skills” will be a thing of the past.

It’s sad, it’s crazy, it’s terrifying.

Meanwhile, I realized my portfolio is so lame. I’m so lame. I don’t have any designs you’d call fantastic or brilliant. All the stuff I’ve uploaded are just old, ugly ones  with very little creativity. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with my life. But I know I want to keep on making websites for other people and then perhaps explore interactive media more. But realizations (just realizations) don’t always get you somewhere.