I was browsing through someone’s Tumblr when C asked me, “Who’s that?”

“I don’t know.”

“What?”

“I’m just intrigued. I don’t really know her.”

And isn’t that what the web was like? Back when I was twelve? You follow a bunch of people you don’t really know, read about their lives, comment and maybe eventually chat and become friends sometimes.

I do miss it. Following each other’s blogs, talking about Your Real Life and Their Real Life without really being part of each other’s circles and somehow becoming friends along the way.

Maybe that’s what I miss. Or need. Or lack.

The other night C was telling me that I don’t have that many friends now compared to before. I think he was trying to encourage me to make more friends (or become more forgiving so I get to keep “friends”). So I said, I don’t think they were my real friends to begin with if they’re not my friends now (not anymore). In conclusion: I didn’t really have much friends to begin with.

It’s really hard to get some respect from people these days (these past few years).

And then: I cannot cannot cannot absolutely cannot accept how C thinks of those horrible people from the past as his “friends” (if your so-called friends can’t respect people important to you, like maybe your girlfriend, then I really don’t think they ought to be called friends. I mean, who fucking does that, right? Spread malicious gossip about your girlfriend?). I will probably resent C forever for that. So yeah, friends — most “friends” suck.

It is odd, I guess. Or maybe expected. I think I would like to get to know other strangers now. Strangers — always fascinating. Strangers — people I find more trustworthy than most who I thought I knew personally (and In Real Life).  When strangers have more decency than people you’ve sort-of interacted with for more than three years, then maybe you were looking for “friendship” in the wrong place.

There’s something comforting about not knowing people too well.