I like the nature of my job and my job description. I don’t mind the company I work for. Overall, the work environment is fine and the people are nice and friendly and I shouldn’t be ranting so much.

But I am.

I try to compensate; find good things outside of work. I have two other projects I’m working on pro bono plus an easy freelance gig for a bit of extra cash. I’m getting as much mobile design projects as I can by talking to people. I’m pretty active in organizations such as Usability Philippines. I talk a lot to other people in the industry because I like good conversation.

But at work.

I feel frustrated every day. Annoyed every morning. I have a crunched-up face like I hate the monitor when I don’t.

Why?

I feel like I have very high expectations. Way too high. I have been in a school organization for three years. An officer for those three years. From deputy to Creative Director and a bit of something else after. I have expectations from leaders, from a creative team, and work right now falls so short from those expectations. Sometimes I wish I could read their job description so I don’t have to expect so much responsibility. 

It’s the tiny things that catch my attention, but details that a designer should not even overlook because it’s our job, as a designer, to be critical of these things.

I want to learn from my seniors. I don’t mind being embarrassed. I want to be criticized; to feel that I have much more to learn from them. I want to have juicy conversation in topics about design, trends, innovation. 

Maybe something’s wrong when I end up having actual conversations with the developers instead, and that they’re the people I feel like I’d automatically go to for advice. 

I want to work with people who aren’t content to be stuck in a stage of mediocrity. Those who will deliver more than asked. Those who WILL NOT ALLOW “eh, okay na,” designs to be  used. I remember the very strong rules of quality control for the Creative Team during my time in the org. We were very nit-picky.

I feel that the team I’m in right now shies away from competition. I don’t mind competition; it’s everywhere. I want to be in a team who could see the bigger picture — the global picture. Really, it’s not just us, or the internal projects, or the tiny internal changes anymore. 

It’s the magis way of thinking, a magis habit, I’m really looking for. People who work hard at the easy things and work hard at the hard things. A team that strives to be the best, best, best with top-notch designs that I wouldn’t have to cry inside when I compile.

I don’t have time to wait for them: to wait for them to change their thinking, improve their work ethics, be consistent in all the projects. The world won’t wait for them either, not when our industry is so fast-paced, fresh graduates are direct competition. Your years of experience will only get you somewhere but not for long, not always. I have plans, too, which involves grad studies and a strong portfolio that I am just not going to get from here if things stay the same.

Based on how my other projects are going are going: it’s April. I will have a solid enough mobile design projects for my folio by the end of this year. Maybe I will be able to find better opportunities after that. 

So where to now?