Tag: antilamentation
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Let’s start from the very beginning
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in PonderI question everything I did, everything I was, everyone I knew. The past is too heartbreaking and I have nothing to be proud of anymore. Maybe I’m waiting to be whisked away by a job, classes, or learning. A tornado, a hurricane, a storm can take me to Oz and I’m not even sure I…
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The blank stare
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in PonderTonight I dropped by C’s house with Gail to look for something. The first person I saw was Jopy. I no longer froze, nor felt my heart race in panic, and neither did I feel like a hunted rabbit. I just stared at him, then past him, before I realized I wasn’t at the brink…
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It was never about deserving
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in PonderFor almost a year now I’ve struggled with the idea of being deserving of some things. Deserving goodness, deserving happiness, deserving love. Being blamed and getting called names by people whom I used to think of as, at the very least, “old friends” was the worst and most painful (and freshest) memory I have of college.…
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So tired of feeling tired
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in LiveI’m tired. It’s already nearing the end of the month, and the last blog post I wrote was last October 8th. It’s not like I’ve been doing anything particularly overwhelming. I’m just perpetually trying to figure out things. Work-wise: Most of the day I’m either coding/designing for projects for the company or its clients, or…
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And where the regret takes me
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in LiveGetting involved with a film org in college is the most bitter pill I’ve ever swallowed, the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and the nastiest regret I’ve ever felt. I never knew, back in sophomore year, that saying “yes” to becoming Creative Deputy would lead me here. Here — regretting all those three years spent…
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A type two
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in LiveI’ve taken the Enneagram quiz before, and I was a Type 2. That haven’t changed. I was reading up on it in another site and amazingly, it summed up my best and worst points: Generous, Demonstrative, People-Pleasing, and Possessive. When I said it summed up both my best and worst points, I can say for…
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Reminiscing Singapore
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in LiveI just received from the mail a card my friend from Singapore sent over a month ago. Yes, Philippine post sucks but I’m just glad it didn’t get lost. I can’t believe it’s been a year since I arrived in Singapore, met new friends, and had one of the best experiences with so many wonderful…
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Post-immersion rambling
The biggest impact immersion had on me wasn’t something I experienced myself, but rather, what my friend experienced (we went to the same area: a farming area in Rosales, Pangasinan). We were doing processing on the third morning and what he said about his “tatay” (adoptive father) struck me. Last Thursday, we were discussing the…
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Oh, vanity
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in LiveI can’t focus. I’m at Matteo, our university’s study hall, listening to Disney music and looking at fashion blogs. I came to school supposedly to be productive until 12pm, after which I’ll head to Cubao to buy stuff for tomorrow’s shoot. And maybe find a nice pair of shoes for myself along the way. ;D…