I haven’t been that productive in school today. Aside from taking my long test in Western Art History, all I did was sleep, eat, chat with friends, with very minimal studying in between. I thought I’d wasted a day, but I started to realize that today was one of those days when I feel like I can relate with people again. That I can actually be happy again. Suddenly, I felt less lonely, and in that moment of realization, I smiled. And felt happy.
It doesn’t matter that I barely finished requirements today. I laughed until my eyes were in tears.
It doesn’t matter that I’ll end up not sleeping tonight because of so much work left undone. I don’t believe happiness can be procrastination.
I slept on the bench in the hallway of Gonzaga.
I did silly things with people, as if we were still in grade school.
I ate ice cream. And frozen yogurt.
These seem to be unimportant things, but for me it’s an accomplishment, and the past few weeks have been helping me feel like maybe things can get better.
I could have gone home earlier and possibly accomplished more academically, but if it’s making life worth living, then I’m glad I stayed in school.
Most of all, I’m glad that today proved that it’s not too late. It’s not too late to enjoy school, although I’m already graduating and this is my last week of formal classes. I’m just starting to feel like myself again.
Please, please, please, God. I’m not asking for anything anymore. I don’t have to graduate with anything, honors or whatever. I just want to forget the bad things that happened and just feel genuinely happy for a long while again. I just feel really hopeful right now and I don’t want this to end just yet.