I used to be really insecure about myself because I felt that because we were both sort-of “creative” people, there’s this unsaid competition between us. And it’s a competition I don’t want to be in, which always made me want to give up an aspect of design to focus on something else.
But hearing that she’s bringing her character down to the lowest of the low, it does take a bit of pressure off me. I can be sure that I’ve still done good things and when it comes down to it, being a good (and the best kind of good) person is more important for me. That no matter how much further talent will bring you, no matter how much you can lie to other people, your true personality will always be evident to those who’ve known you longer, who’ve known your best and your worst, and in the end losing a very good friend’s trust and faith will always be the worst loss of all.
If anything, nobody can tell me I’ve accused people wrongly, or spread stories about them, or publicly shared the things she’s told me in confidence. Even when I was getting hurt and judged wrongly, I respected her privacy. I’m starting to realize that somehow, just being the “better” person (morally) has to be enough kind of justice for me, since it’s the only justice I’ll ever get.
The first time someone said bad things about me, I kept mum about his own shortcomings especially when it involved mutual friends. Despite that, his true character showed anyway and some people eventually said, “oh, she was right all along.” I believe that will happen to her too. I don’t have to prove their bitchiness at all. They’ll prove it by themselves.
I still feel like I have to prove the world wrong, for all the accusations and the gossip and the insults. But maybe sometimes happiness is my only revenge and one day, I’ll get there without any old skeletons to anchor me down.